


Worth the Risk

by halflightwrites



Category: Shazam! (2019)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Superheroes, revealing feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 13:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18605035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halflightwrites/pseuds/halflightwrites
Summary: Billy has a nightmare, Freddy talks him through it.





	Worth the Risk

Freddy hesitated in the dark hallway outside the bathroom door, knuckles pressed silently to the wood. Finally, he knocked. “Billy?”

Silence answered and Freddy struggled in the moment, torn between turning in defeat and going back to bed, pretending that he hadn’t followed or bothered trying in the morning, and trying again. Then the lock clicked from inside and Freddy pushed the door open.

Billy sat with his back pressed to the bathtub, knees pulled up to his chest and eyes dark in shadow. Freddy closed them inside and settled awkwardly on the floor against the sink, his crutch balanced across his knees.

Billy had slipped down from the top bunk and left their room almost a half hour ago, and Freddy had lain in anxious limbo until his worry had pulled him out of bed, the image of Billy sitting in the dark by himself a painfully striking one. It wasn’t unfamiliar to Freddy, though when it had been him in the past, there had been no one to follow and sit beside him.

“You okay?” 

Billy nodded. “It was just another nightmare.” 

Freddy didn’t miss that, _another._ Billy did that a lot, slipped in words and phrases that completely changed the meaning of his sentences without drawing any attention to them, the same way he never called attention to himself outside of his ‘Zam body. But in the years since they’d met, Freddy had learned how to read this boy, how to pick up on the little hints he dropped and turn them over to reveal the bigger picture. He knew how to reply now, so that Billy kept talking instead of pulling away like he used to. “What was it about?”

Billy sighed and looked away. It took a minute, but he took a deep breath and spoke in a faltering exhale. “We were back fighting Sivana and when I tried to give you guys my powers it backfired somehow and you died,” Billy said, holding up a hand to keep Freddy’s interruption at bay, “So I went back in time—don’t ask, I don’t know—to try and save you but I went too far back and _I_ became Sivana, like the Wizard rejected me and I turned evil and wanted revenge. And when I caught up to now it was you I was fighting—you were me, you’d gotten the ‘Zam powers and I knew in the back of my mind that it was all wrong. That it was a dream and I’d gone back to save you. I didn’t want to fight you, but I couldn’t stop and I—I killed you.”

“Should I be worried?” Freddy asked, trying to keep his laugh from sounding as strangled as it felt in his throat. “Hey. Billy, I’m right here. I’m fine.” 

Freddy knocked Billy’s knees together and left his hand resting on top, afraid to push further, afriad to pull back. He wasn’t good at this and that fault had never been more apparent than right now.

Billy rubbed his eyes and Freddy thought that if they weren’t in the dark he would probably see the wet cheeks and redness there, though he knew Billy would hide it either way. 

“Yeah, I know. But what if you weren’t? I mean, all it would take is one slip up, one stupid moment where you get hurt and it could all be over. I’m supposed to be this great hero, but I can’t even keep you safe.”

“It was just a dream,” Freddy said. “You’re talking yourself toward worst case scenarios, you’re just overthinking.”

“I’m not,” Billy argued, though his voice stayed hushed. “Think about how much danger I put you in every day. I mean, for fuck’s sake that first night when you stood beside me while those guys pointed guns at us? Do you ever think about how easily that could have gone wrong? You could have been shot and it would have been my fault. If something were to happen to you—” 

“It wouldn’t be your fault.” Freddy dug his nails into the bones of Billy’s knee until Billy met his eyes. “If something happens to me, it’ll be on me. It’s just part of the job, taking the danger that comes with it, and we both agreed to it when we got these powers. Just because you gave me them doesn’t mean I’m your responsibility. In fact I want you to stop thinking that right now. I can take care of myself and I don’t need your stupid guilt over things that haven’t even happened.”

“We were stupid that first night,” Freddy said. “And for a while after, and we’ll probably be stupid in the future. That’s just how it is. But you can’t let that freak you out, you’re better than that.”

“I can’t lose you,” Billy said, not looking at Freddy.

“I’ll try not to die. I mean, I already try, but for you I’ll try extra hard, okay?”

Billy shook his head and Freddy waited for another argument, but it didn’t come. Billy looked at him finally and laughed, a tiny, broken sound that filled the space between them and pulled at Freddy’s thin chest. He could spend all night just unpacking that sound. 

Freddy didn’t take his hand back and Billy didn’t push it off, and they sat together in the dark until the conversation felt finally over. 

“Are we going to talk about this?” Freddy asked without thinking. Immediately he wanted to take the words back, because the moment he opened his mouth the spell between them broke and the question felt like too much suddenly. 

“What?” 

“Okay.”

“No, what?” Billy caught Freddy’s wrist as he pulled it away and Freddy used the momentum to drive his words.

“You really don’t feel it?” _This._ He motioned between them, a half-assed gesture that didn’t even begin to encompass everything he was asking. Maybe Freddy was crazy, or reading into things too much. But—

Billy nodded. “Why do you think I’m so scared all the time? Since I realized I felt something for you—it was bad enough when I thought you were just a friend or maybe a brother, but now?”

“Yeah,” Freddy said, because there was nothing else to say. He understood, even if he didn’t agree, even though he knew that if it ever came down to it he would save Billy every single time over saving himself. But that was just it, wasn’t it? Because Billy held the exact same stupid thought and Freddy couldn’t even blame him for it. He’d be pissed as hell if it ever came down to it and Billy sacrificed himself to save him, but he’d understand anyway.

Billy pulled them to their feet but didn’t move for the door. Freddy leaned against the sink and waited. “I’ve never had anything before, especially something I wanted to keep. It’s not that I don’t think you can take care of yourself—please don’t ever think that. You’re a million times better than me at this, the powers and the fighting and knowing the right thing to do. It’s just that I know what its like to lose someone and I never want to go through that again, at least as long as I can help it.”

“I can’t promise that things will always work out,” Freddy said, licking his lip as he sorted through his words. “You and I both know I’d be lying, but it doesn’t matter. I still want to be a hero, even if it comes with a price. And I still want you, even if it means losing you one day. The risk is worth it, every time.”

“You’re really smart when you think about what you’re saying,” Billy said.

“Thanks, jerk.”

Billy laughed a little stupidly and stepped forward to press Freddy against the sink. The bathroom narrowed until it was just the two of them standing nose to nose in the dark and nothing else—the nightmare, their fears, the time, the world—mattered. 

“You okay?” Freddy asked, fingers sliding up the outside of Billy’s arms.

Billy’s laugh softened, turned shy, and Freddy wanted to hear it again. He wanted to stay here in this feeling, but he knew it wouldn’t last forever. Eventually they would have to go back to bed and wake up and face the world, but for right now this was enough. This was everything.

“I’m a lot better now,” Billy said, “Thanks.”


End file.
